I’m strolling and I get a whiff of something. Not unusual in of itself, I consider, for I live in a shit hole. But no, this is not the mingled stench of bluster, tears and tarmac but a more questioning, allusive vapour. It pulls my gaze. I look about with forced nonchalance, hoping to catch its source…
“When I saw her standing there”
I’ll drop the dense, 1st person style employed above, I think we’re all a bit bored already.
Flirting is what I’m thinking of here. Everyone does it. But it doesn’t always seem to do the trick… I thought I was flirting today as I was walking home from work. Here is what happened, let me know if you can relate:
I see girl.
Girl see me.
I like girl.
I smile at girl.
Girl attracted to me?
(it may be necessary when envisioning the scenario above to replace both gender and gender roles dependent on personal preference)
There are 3 ways of looking at this aren’t there?
- I’m another pervy guy staring lustily at women.
- It’s a mutual attraction.
- She’s indifferent.
Occasionally, when option 2 occurs, a conversation will spark up and, consequently, all kinds of idyllic things will happen- a collage made up of daisy chains, staycations, white dresses, crying babies, box sets and secretions. Or so I’ve read.
It seems to all start with a flirt though (I really should have said something to that girl).
Now, call me an old romantic but-
To maximise my chances of finding a suitable partner with whom to secure the continuation of our race- I have categorized different forms of flirting, based on context, and anyone may choose which method suits them best.
I know- who said that romance is dead, eh?
Basically, here are the different types of flirting as I see them (let me know if I am missing any).
Definition: My sad experience from earlier today, and any other day for that matter.
Pros: Easy and free.
Cons: Hard to follow up on.
Definition: Dating sites and social networks.
Pros: Inhibition, choice.
Cons: Fake profiles and credit cards.
Definition: The kind you do over a hot photocopier i.e. workplace.
Pros: Prolonged exposure. Occasional bonus forbidden fruit stirrings.
Cons: Disciplinary hearings.
Definition: You meet someone through friends of friends.
Pros: Less leg work.
Cons: They already know your secrets.
Definition: Your best friends husband et al.
Pros: Forbidden fruit stirrings.
Cons: Sticky ending. Lol.
Definition: Clubs, pubs, discothèques (what are they?) and the like.
Pros: Everyone is there for the same reason.
Cons: Everyone knows why you’re there.
I like the categories but I am sure I have missed a few. Could you let me know if any occur? Do you agree with my pros and cons? Do you care?
All will be answered in next week’s installment of-
DISCLAIMER: No questions will be answered at any point.